Five powerful suggestions for 2020 and beyond

Happy 2020!  Hopefully exciting times are on the horizon for us all, although the start of a new year can be a bit anxiety inducing for many.  On that note, I really wanted to touch on five things I feel are truly important in our lives, and that are accessible to all of us... regardless of the resolutions we may or not make.

Listen more

As a society, we seem to have stopped listening.  Instead, we all seem to be in such a hurry to get across what we think.  When was the last time you spoke with someone and you walked away, truly struck by the intensity with which that person listened, and the questions they asked, based on what you were saying?   How did it feel?
 
And when was the last time you truly listened to someone, without jumping in at the first possible moment to share your views?   Or to give "solutions."   More often than not, people aren't looking for solutions... they just want someone to listen to them, to hear them.  This recent First Person story from The Globe and Mail is an excellent example.  
 
Listening breaks down barriers.  It’s also an art, and takes practice. One has to be fully present in order to listen to someone else - we can’t be formulating our own ideas while someone else is talking. 
 
I love this excerpt by Steve Chandler, a consultant, life coach and public speaker: 

“Listen for the value in what someone else is saying before you communicate back. Listen for the merit. Do not listen as a prosecuting attorney would.  Listen for the gold.”

We might even learn something :)

Judge less

We all judge others.  Our biases are so engrained and it’s hard to change them.   But it’s not impossible.
 
Two things come to mind… the first is a personal story from a few years ago that I regret to this day, regarding someone fairly new in our neighbourhood who was being maligned by others.   I had seen but never met this person.  Visually, she was different, plus she never seemed very approachable.   Because of what others were saying, combined with these two things, my contact with her was a simple smile when I passed her on the street.

And then I met her.  She was/is a warm, kind and generous person.  And what was being said about her wasn't true.

To this day, I am ashamed of my pre-judgements in this situation, both based on what others said, as well as my own.  The silver lining is that it drove home a really important message.  Be open and non-judgemental.  We are not going to like everyone, and not everyone is going to like us.  But that doesn't give us the right to judge others - it hurts.  

The second example is about fat shaming.  Latoya Shauntay Snell wrote the following article, I’m running 10 marathons this year and I’m still getting fat shamed.  The title says it all - it’s a stunning (and incredibly distressing) side of human nature. 

We can do better.

Less Stuff

Do I really need that special kettle for my coffee?  The one that turns off at the perfect temperature so as not to burn my freshly ground and roasted beans?  The kettle where the water pours from the spout in a way that is gentle on those said beans?   NO, I don't!  But would it make me happier?   Interesting question... watch this TED Talk, What Makes a Good Life:  Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness to find out.  Or this one, titled The Surprising Science of Happiness.   (Spoiler alert - the answer is no ;-)

Maybe it’s a growing older thing, but I just shake my head at all the “stuff” I coveted when I was younger (and sadly still covet at times).   The good news is that I tend to come to my senses before making the purchase.

If nothing else, think hard before you buy more stuff… do you really need it?  Will it make you happier over the long term? 

More gratitude… a slightly different angle

It’s interesting when certain things you’ve heard before, often many times, finally sink in.  Sam Harris  spoke recently about being in his car, stuck in traffic, late for a meeting, and how frustrated he was getting.  And then he thought about all the people in the world who would do anything to be in his situation… stuck in a car in traffic late for a meeting.   As obvious as that is, for some reason this really resonated with me.   

Now, any time I am frustrated, irritated, impatient - whatever – I try to catch myself and think about how many people would do anything to be in my shoes, right now.  

Yes, possibly a backhanded approach to gratitude (comparing oneself to others), but more often than not it makes me stop in my tracks and completely changes my outlook.   And in turn, it takes the focus off of me and puts my focus on others.
 

Connect more
 

I heard recently that a homeless person hears their name spoken by someone else on average 3x per year.   I don’t know where that stat came from, or how accurate it is.  But think about that… even if it’s more than 3x/year, how often would someone living on the street (or in a shelter) be called by their first name?  

Everyone deserves to be acknowledged – with a smile, a touch, a name, eye contact… or a short conversation.

So the next time you are walking by someone on the street asking for money –  think about really seeing them.  Maybe stop and talk to them.  And then listen :)   Perhaps even ask them their name, and then use it the next time you walk by.

Coincidentally, I had a long conversation this morning with a gentleman named Stanford, who is homeless.   We happened to be volunteering in the same food kitchen.  Stanford has lived on the street for years, all the while working two jobs, each part time, neither of which paid enough to enable him to afford to put a roof over his head. 

He was articulate, creative, thoughtful and incredibly self aware.  And he made an interesting comment at one point, saying, "Being homeless doesn't mean we are stupid, but everyone just assumes we are."

Life lessons.   There are always opportunities, often when we least expect it, to learn, grow, listen, connect and be thankful.
 

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Thanks for taking the time to read this.  Hopefully something resonated... feel free to share your thoughts by responding to this email.

In the meantime, best of luck on whatever you have set out to achieve, accomplish or reflect on this year.   And if any of those things revolve around nutrition and/or lifestyle, and you would like some support, don't hesitate to reach out.  We can have a free 20 minute consult and determine whether next steps are in order.  Simply respond to this eblast, check out my website or contact me via the contact page.   

Happy New Year!

Gillian x