How are you feeling?

It’s Mental Health Awareness Week, so I thought I would share some suggestions on how we can keep our own spirits up, and maybe even lift someone else’s.

We all go through our ups and downs, some more than others, some deeper than others. I don’t profess to have all of the answers (no one does), but I do have some strategies that can help.

Take a time out
Just sit and be still. No phone, no TV, no distractions (lock yourself in the bathroom if you have to). I’m not talking about meditating, rather taking the time to just stop. For women especially, we have this habit of being energizer bunnies, never stopping, and that’s often because our To Do list is never ending (spoiler alert: it never ends).

One of the best ways to re-energize ourselves, both mentally and physically, as well as provide some often much needed perspective, is to take a time out.

So when you feel you are spiralling, sit down, close your eyes, and take five.

Breathe
Many books have been written about breathing (The Oxygen Advantage by Patrick McKeown and Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art, by James Nestor are two excellent and very popular ones), so as you can imagine it’s difficult to summarize in a paragraph (!) how important breathing is for our mental and physical well being.

But, a couple of highlights. First, many of us breath through our mouths, which can have a very negative impact on our health. I strongly suggest reading Breath for further information on this if you are a mouth breather (note that you may not even know you are mouth breathing, so start paying attention, especially at night).

Secondly, most of us tend to breathe too shallow a breath, which only hits our upper lungs. But it’s the lower lobes of our lungs, when we breathe into them, that can help keep us calm. If we are breathing properly, our abdomen/belly should rise and fall with each inhale and exhale. This forces us to breath deeply into our lungs as well.

The great news is that using breathing as a tool to calm ourselves from anxious thoughts and worry, is both easily accessible and free. Some simple examples are as follows:

Deep belly breathing – this is easiest done lying down, but one can sit or stand as well. Note that this may feel awkward at first. Take a deep breath in through you nose, first filling your belly, and then deep into your lungs, and exhale slowly through your mouth (note that this is one of many variations ). One great habit to get into is to start and end every day with 5 deep belly breaths – and both of these sets can be done in bed, lying down.

4-7-8 breathing – I’ve spoken about this before. Breath in deeply through your nose for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale through your mouth for 8 seconds (with your tongue on the roof of your mouth behind your front teeth). Repeat this 3-4 times. I often use this to help me get back to sleep in the middle of the night if I am tossing and turning.

Alternate nostril breathing – this involves blocking off one nostril at a time, as you breathe through the other nostril, alternating back and forth in a regular pattern. It’s best to do this sitting down.

And if you want to take it to the next level, there is an excellent app called Inward Breathwork. There is a monthly fee, but one can do a 7-day free trial. It has been part of my daily practice for over a year and I couldn’t imagine not doing it.

Stop the comparison game
On a very different tangent from above, every so often it’s important look at what we have, instead of what we don’t have. We ALL have lives that are coveted by others, and yet we will always be surrounded by those who have more. It’s very easy to get caught up in the treadmill of more, even though we know intuitively that more doesn’t necessarily mean better or happier.

A philosophy called Stoicism incorporates this into one of their practices. It’s called Negative Visualization.

Stay with me here ;-).

Let’s say we are unhappy because we are aware of a gap between what we have and what we want. In Stoicism, that is referred to as the Gap Theory of Happiness. The obvious thing to do is to get what we want, and close the gap. The problem is that we have a profound capacity for wanting things, so when we get what we want, we may close the gap temporarily, but then the wanting powers up again. And as we know, the more we want (and get), the less satisfied we ultimately will be. And the treadmill just gets faster.

One way of getting off this treadmill, and closing the gap, is to want what we already have – yes, you heard that correctly! That is, to embrace the life we already have; to develop the ability to accept, appreciate and savour the life we are already living.

So how do we do that? This is where negative visualization can play a role. Think about your life, your relationships, your circumstances – and pick one thing that plays an important role – ie - job, spouse, children, etc. Now take a few seconds and imagine that thing disappearing from your life. Fired from your job, your spouse leaving you, something happening to one of your kids. Don’t dwell on it, but visualize it briefly. And you may just find that these flickering negative thoughts, rather than making you sad, will contribute to your happiness, by changing your perspective on your circumstances.

You may just realize how fortunate you are to have what you have (maybe call it reverse gratitude!).

Almost always, our situation could be worse than it is – keeping this in mind can help us cope with our circumstances and keep an upbeat attitude as we do.

Look in the mirror
On your good days, what do you love (or like) about yourself? Think of at least three things (we all have at least three). Then on those days you are feeling low and worthless, look in the mirror and say those three things back to yourself, as many times as you need to.

Maybe it’s: “I am a kind, loving, caring person who wants to make a difference in the world”, or, “I am a beautiful, smart and capable human being who can achieve anything I set my mind to”.

We all know the power of words. The problem is that we spend too much time using negative ones to describe ourselves. And then we believe them.

It’s time to start using positive words. And then embrace them.

Help someone else
Finally, one great way to lift ourselves out of a rut, a funk or a dark place, is to help someone else. There are so many people struggling right now – people we know and strangers we pass on the street. There are many small (and large) gestures we can do to help others. And in doing so, we also help ourselves.

We have all experienced that feeling of joy when we do something for someone else. A few examples could include:

• Make or buy an extra batch of soup, cookies, lasagne, anything (just thinking comfort foods here) for someone you know would appreciate it

• Pick up the phone and call someone

• Send an email with the subject, “Thinking of you” or “Just checking in”

• Send a card

• Smile, make eye contact and say thank you to the grocery store clerk (or anyone serving you)

• Smile at everyone you pass on the street (mask or no mask!)

• Stop and talk to a homeless person on the street – even better, ask them their name (see why in the last paragraph, titled Connect More, of this blog I wrote in January 2020)

• Listen more – some people simply need to be listened to

• Get involved in a charity – I have a friend whose job basically disappeared during this pandemic, and she has spent her time finding opportunities to help others (and is loving it)

Kindness is contagious – in both directions.

There are many different strategies we can use to boost our spirits – I have only touched on a few. A great example of gratitude, which I haven’t touched on, is with a friend of mine who is going through radiation treatment at the moment. She mentioned recently that she has “worked hard on mentally embracing the goodness in the procedure and practicing gratitude”, including bringing cookies for the technicians to thank them for their efforts. She went on to say that she hasn’t found the whole process as challenging as she thought she would. A coincidence? Who knows.

Sending positive thoughts your way 😊.

Thanks for reading.

Gillian x

PS – If you’ve been reading my blogs, you also know that food and lifestyle play a key role in our mental (and physical) well being. If you or someone you know needs some nutritional guidance, and/or help with putting a healthier lifestyle plan in place, please reach out for a free Discovery Call. We can spend 30 minutes and determine if I can help.